Questions

hmm...there I am again....and I have only one thing to say....
last night when I went to bed...I realized something very strange and very disturbing aswell...yet kinda sad..(yeah I know)
I realized that for a 6 months I have had three thoughts each night before going to sleep:
1-Will I ever be able to see her?
2-Why don't I have a terminal disease, so everyone could see n how much pain I am inside!
3-I wonder what would happen if I died that instance?


Now let me be honest: The last two ahve occured time and time before the 6 months I'm talking about but they're now amplified by the sound of the first one I guess. Ah you know...as I said before....I only fear one thing in life...wel actually two:
1-That she has been lying to me all this time and she does not even love me!
2-That one day she'll be here for me and by then I would love her no more.
And it is those two questions and more the answers to them that keep me alive. (And mark taht last sentence...that means exactly what it says.)
And it is also those same two questions and more the answers to them which will eventually lead to my suicide!