The eternal dream

The eternal dream....the worldly wish....and the foreverlasting desire of every human being on earth....is to leave....isn't it?
to leave everything and everyone behind.....to start a new life.....somewhere new...
The more we grow older the more we feel responsible and the more the dream escapes our grasp....
So now I will try to describe this by a poem:

"It's not the dream we desire
It's the reality we escape!"

What is it with me?

what is it with me??
...yeah I had a predecision about Y.....I realised today......
she is not my Lucy.......At least she is Lucy.....but she isn't mine
I made the mistake and asked her what was it that we had.....and she told me she can't be with me though she loves me.....(yeah right).....she tells me that she doesn't want to lie to her family about seeing me ....and that she chooses family above love....(what the hell is that?) come on.....
well I'm glad I wasn't too enthusiastic about her and didn't tell T-tje about her...I might have lost her...which I can't afford to do....she's too good to loose.....she's even too good for me I guess :P hahaha .....I mean good in a bad way....I mean good as conservative.....in that aspect...Y was totally my type of girl.....totally european kinda girl....I loved it....too bad it's over and she isn't like Iv......cause if she was we could still be friends and hang out...but she is just like other girls in that sorta thing.......that's why I like Iv more than her.......though Y tastes like strawberries and I have never tasted Iv ......

Quality / Quantity

It's funny how we know things but only once we have said our opinions out loud that we then suddenly realize that we don't obey them.
In the past I have always pursued how I could spend loads of time with friends and lovers. But only when Jayne told me she had the same problem and I explained her, that it is the quality of time that you spend with friends that is important and not the quantity, is when I truly realized that even I was thinking like her till that moment. Thinking wrong!!
And it was quite a shocking experience to realize that I have always known this but never have realized until now.

It makes you think what else you know what you haven't realized yet.

Something to kill and die for...

Yeah finally...after 4 years actually...today I made out with a decent...beautiful...funny.....smart....and oh so gorgeous and in to me.
She fell in love with me....and I fell in love with her the minute I saw her....we went to the movies to "watch" Unleashed. And after 20 minues we were watching something else as we made out till the end of the movies and the cleaners of came to get us. I can still taste her in my mouth. And I can't wait till our next touch...our next kiss....our next embrace...
(Thanks for the greatest gift of the year Y.)
Anyway the point is....I have now, after years, something to kill and die for....which I needed for all this time.....I'm whole again.

P.S. Again, something good happenned in my life, and J had to come and talk to me....is she spying on me?? What is it?? can't I be happy for once in my life? .....Damn her....
( well at least she did apologize for everything....at last)