Asshole tutorial

well...I always thougt the key to success was to be compasionate and kindness but as I mentioned a few blogs earlier an asshole titorial might come in handy and it has.....
That is REALLY the key to success!!
The more arrogant and selfindulged you are...the more they like you and want to please you because that is what is hard to achieve...
So I guess the asshole tutorial worked then. And I was only at it for 2 days....so...
Way to go assholes!!
The world is at your feet.

Samantha

hmmm what to say....I guess she's just like the others.....
we meet....
we talk....
we date....
we make out....
we talk....
we make out....
and then we break up for some shitty reason.

At least I think that's the formula.
Anyway I met her one day in the shop where I'm working in Leiden.
She left her poem on the computer and I mailed it back to her....because it was a nice one.
So she replied with her phone number telling me she was wondering whether I would call her if had her number because my mail meant a lot to her.
So I did call her... she seemed so vulnerbale and hurt...so what was I supposed to do then?
Anyway....the next morning she called me at work telling me she made a choice and choose me above her ex-boyfriend which I was glad to hear. So we dated... we kissed....and yesterday we had our second date...and she told me she had made some reservations...but on my way over there she told me I shouldn't come cause she couldn't make it. I was furious ofcourse....so I went to work that day. A few hours later I called her to ask her to explain. And she said she was coming over to the shop.
20 minutes later she was there. I acted angry and upset....and she ofcourse tried to manipulate me with her acts and all....she kissed me...and I kissed her...And we laid on the bed in the basement of the shop for like an hour and a half.....afterwards I sent her away ....so she said she'd be waiting for me till I get off work. So once I was done...she was indeed waiting...she waited for me an hour outside the shop. That must have meant something...(I couldn't say)
Anyway after a quick cup of coffee and lots of kissing...I had to take the train and come home.

I really don't get her....but at least she says she loves me....that's more than I'm used to lately.

How naive can a person be?

And I thought after wanting to do it for months...and being so honest with her about wanting to do it.....I really thought when I would have the reason for doing it....it will satisfy me afterwards...but guess what i couldn't......After she left me horribly...all I did was to go out and "run" like I always did after talking to Jess.
Afterall she hurt me just as much as she did. Just faster!!
Anyway besides that....I just couldn't do it....I tried...I really tried..... but I really couldn't.
What does that makes me now?
Lifeless?
Numb?
A man?
Yeah well I guess that is how we are created aren't we? Hurt a guy untill he gets really tough and stops caring. Then blame him for it. I always thought women were right!!
How naive can a person be?

Kimberly

it's almost better to cry than to laugh about the following.
Once I heard about Thamie.....I grabbed my phone and tried to do some damage control....
I called everyone I could think of....everyone I could think of who cared.....
really I couldn't reach anyone.....I mean I called a dozen ppl at least....anyway it's just like with the cops...where are they when you need them huh? it's the same with friends!!
At last I called someone who I knew really cared for her friends....Kimberly....She was my best friend besides Iv in high school. But just like a few who liked me even fewer ppl liked her even though she was the most warm-hearted, caring and fun person I have ever seen and probably will ever see.
Anyway besides that.....we talked for 15 minutes orso and when I told her I needed someone to talk to....she was more than willing to see me and talk to me.....That is what a friend really is.....you must agree!!
We talked about high school.....
Hi!! Bye!! hahahaha I never get enough of that phrase
and the one with fabian about his 4 for maths.....
I miss those times terribly......At least I had friends then.....
These days I'm just a shadow....a ghost....better said a machine!!
I have lost all my human emotion.....that is what happens when a heart is hurt too many times!!

The problem The solution

There's the clue.....
Thamie is with someone else that's why she doesn't care anymore.....
Amriet has a boyfriend....
Leonor has a boyfriend....
Iv is dating someone....
Deborah is in Turky....
Saskia is too busy....
Lonneke is too shy....
Marillia is just fucking with my head.....
Oh yeah not to forget....Yalda is just a bitch....
What the fuck am I here for??
What have I done wrong to these ppl?
I mean come on.....I'm just too kind......
Where can I find the tutorial "How to be an asshole!"?
Cause I'm more than usually certain that will help everyone in this situation.
Don't you agree?

Destruction of the world

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

I'm so very tired

Isn't it funny how I can be with all these girls and I'm still so helplessly alone just because of some weird conspiracy against me?
it is almost beyond believe how I still can cope with the pressure...
I'm so very tired of being soooo goddamn "Succesfull" and still not achieving anything at all!!
I'm so very tired of being with so many friends and still feel all alone in time of need!!
I'm so very tired of being loved but from a distance!!
I'm so very tired of everything