J, J, J.....

Last night I was getting ready to go to bed and checked to see who was still online....I saw Jess and said Hi.....and her boyfriends said she was in the shower.....so obviously kinda pset I said he should say hi to her for me....and I went to sleep.

This morning I saw her coming online again....so I decided to talk to her.....this time it was her mom. Telling me she had ran away in the middle of the night with that guy who she only knows for two weeks. I'm so furious....she used to be so different......maybe arrogant in some way but I'm going to get her......she's a handful but she'll be mine.
I guess she'll get back home in a week or two. And I have still more than two months before I can see her...I don't hink she'd be still out there by the time I get there....At least I hope not.

Amrieta

Yeah it is 9 february and my date with amrieta went quite smoothly although not entirely as I had planned. I met her before the Cafe Engels (where had met long time ago) and we drove to a nice restaurant/bar and we had something to eat and we talked a lot just about everything....and afterwards we went to play some pool.....she did kinda suck although she had always said she was such a fan of the sport.......anyway it provided me much opprtunities to "show" her some moves and learn her some too ;)

Anyway afterwards she said she waned to go home....kinda out of the blue though but she said she was tired and all so I drove her back home.....

And eventhough this sounds like a very boring date....it was far from it. I had lots of fun just watching her eat, talk, tease and laugh.

I hope to see her again soon. She's so cute!!

Amrieta

On sunday I was chatting along when Amrieta come online. So I said hi and we talked for a bit...quite pleasant and different kinda conversation than untill then. So we talked and we laughed and then I asked her when we'll see each other again....and she was eager to meet me aswell so we made plans for thursday. I hope nothing comes up till then like the previous three times we had a date.....she promised that won't be the case. All that remains to be seen..... more updates on that whenever they're there. :)

Life

I am a tornado.
I am succesfull.
I live my life to the fullest and on the edge.
But who is there to catch me when I fall?

Me, Iv and the tub

I was in the bathroom with Iv. She was having a shower standing in the tub. I was naked too. She asked me to wash her back. And as I am washing her back and shoulders gently, she turns around and steps out of the tub and stands before and starts walking me towards me till I hit the side of the tub. Then she puts my hands on her bum and leans forward on top of me and starts kissing my neck and my lips while rubbing herself against me.I'm still holding her bum and all of the sudden she jumps up on me and closes her legs around my mid. Still playing with my wet hair and kissing me while still rubbing herself to my excited penis. I lean to the side of the tub while supporting her with my hands under her bum. After a few minutes I can feel her getting wetter and wetter and she whispers "put it in". I reach down and grant her request. A great feeling washes over me.....this is something I had never thought of. She's still going up and down on me and grunting and making noises to express her pleasure and so do I. I'm enjoying this more than anything while asking myself why? why me?I slowly reach my climax.....we both do....and then we climax at the same time and she falls on top of me.....totally exhausted. she kisses me one more time and steps back in the tub and lies down. I join her and I look into her eyes and as I start to play with her hair I start to wake up.

To be honest I have never had his kinda dream. Over anyone. And certainly not about Iv. I mean I have never thought of her in that way. I mean it's great having her as a good friend as she is let alone she would have such passionate sex with me.

Anyway I called her and told her all about it althouh in less detail that mentioned here above. and she was kinda amused by it and we talked for half an hour and we made plans to meet tomorrow.

Wanting to leave

Fuck this shit...
I'm fucking tired of this life
I'm just ONE person....I'm almost 20 years old.....and still
I live with my parents and have a room no bigger than 6 m2.
and every night I have the urge to cry my eyes out and put a bullet through my brain.
I'm fucking tired of all this shit....this isn't life....this is hell
no this is worse......hell is atleast warm.....
I'm sooo alone......and a countdown to freedom doesn't help much...it only reminds me of how much longer I have to suffer....
haven't I suffered enough?
how much can a person take?
I'm losing it all
I'm losing everyone
I'm losing everything

Sometimes I just wanna jump down from a bridge to the grey asfalt of the highway.....but I'm too much of a coward to go through with it.....
If she wants me once I'm there....I guess I'll never come back again.
I hate this life.....I hate this country.....I hate these people.......I hate it all
everybody is going somewhere and though I'm running all day long.....I never get one step forward.
Fuck it all......I'm really going away in May!