For the best

And there she is. Standing where I used to stand waiting for the bus every day for a year and a half long.
She recognizes me instantly despite short cut hair, suit and the car. God she is more beautifull than I remembered. We drive to Rotterdam to get lunch. All this time I'm thinking of how we got here? me, her, all the things that have happenned in the past year. And I remember the last time we met. A day to remember and a day to forget. She's clearly lost some of her innocence, and some of her joy aswell. We stop at a chinese restaurant.
We drink some wine and talk about this and that. I'm relieved to see she has not lost her playfullness and spontanity. She's a tease, and she knows how to use her powers.
As we part and I drive back home, all I can think of is her. Her perfume, her hair, her laughter and her face.
And I know it's all for the best the way it is.

Game of life

Admit it...A man is composed ridiculously...
All his dreams...illusions
busy....with himself...always busy
from the sweet start till the bitter end
you love or you hate
it's nothing more
than a part of the game
the game of life

I miss myself

I miss you,
I miss you my old self.
The happiness....the youthfull joy

I miss my old self.
Before I knew her life was bad. Real bad.
Now I realise she has infected me with optimism, happiness, joy, success, laughter and everything that is good.
How great can a person be? She surpasses even that.
Now I know I can't have her I realise that all she has brought me is worth nothing without her, without her presence...without her laughter and without her smile nothing makes sense.

I never thought I would say this but.... ignorance was a bliss.

I miss my old ignorant self.
I miss the miserable times.
I miss...I miss ....I miss myself.

All over again

It's happening all over again....all the uncertainty...all the dependence and relevance and burdening.
I have become better and better in faking it. trying to be helpful and understanding but to be honest I don't think I can take it anymore....
I hate the fact they are nice to me...
I hate the fact they are friendly towards me....
I hate the fact they see me as a friend....
I hate the fact they remember me.....
I hate the fact they think they can talk to me....
I hate the fact they depend on me...
I hate the fact they feel safe around me....
I hate the fact they STILL know me....
I hate the fact I can't tell them to go fuck themselves....
I hate the fact I'm so nice....or atleast fake to be nice....
I hate them rubbing their happiness in my face.....

I'm even tired of hating to be honest....

Credit card

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched...