Perfection

Many say: "Perfection does not exist."
I disagree. Perfection does exist. But not in a form that we can see.
Some might say: "Perfection is achieved by adding items to compensate for the imperfections. " And thus making perfection complex.
But then again I disagree strongly.
In my opinion perfection is achieved by only one way. Perfection is achieved by taking away all the imperfections and thus creating perfection by applying simplicity.

Project "Psycho"

I'm happy to aanounce that I have reached a breakthrough in my project and I think I may finish it long time before the estimated deadline. I have finished writing half of the project and I just need to correct it and it will be done. The other half of the project will be a bit more tricky as I have not thought about how to write it and about what to write it and how to describe those especial feelings which are so hard to explain in words.
But I am confident I will make my deadline. I just hope by then there will actually be someone who will read it. And find it worth reading.
anyway signing off, Nawid.

Valentines Day

Yeah...it was again Valentine today. Great day as I saw Iv again in a while... she was still kinda sick...but she looked better already.....I got her some flowers...yellow roses offcourse ;)
she was happy.....Though this freaking bf of hers is making me nuts.....this guy clearly doesn't care about her and she's too soft to acknowledge that and keeps on calling and contacting him....the asshole didn't even called her or mailed her or anything today.....such a dork.....anyway.....she's in love with someone else I'm happy to know.....and I'm positive he'll treat her right.
anyway besides her problems.
Sh sent me a Valentine card. which was very surprising as I didn't talked to her for a few days because as I already wrote earlier she reminded me of J. However...I think she doesn't realise what is going on between us and that I distrust her....but then again...afghan girls never do...not even when you explain it to them step by step .....beleive me on that.
Anyway this was just one of the better Valentines I have had till now. I hope next year it will be even better ;) :P

Over and over

haha for several weeks I thought...it might work...you never know...she might turn around...but no I've been fooling myself....she's a cruel cold-hearted bitch who only used me to make herself feel better about herself....
and I'm ok with that now... I made a mistake...I misjudged her.....so I accept this as mu punishment....no problem...
but just in the least probable scenario that she did care about me as much as she cared what she had for dinner last night...then let this be her punishment....
I will never talk to her again....that's it...
from now on: she'll be the person on my list which occasionally comes on and goes off without even changing anything in me.....not even a thought whcih rises when she does...
I'm not bittered....I simply stopped loving her...as she did a long time ago about me.....and I still wish her all the best and a happy life from now on without me.....
just she doesn't exist for me in a way she once did.....
(I'm only angry with myself to have given her that place in my heart once)

Psycho

I have been thinking about doing this for years now....at first i thought by posting the first 10 to 15 blogs of this weblog I had achieved my goal of putting my deepest and darkest thoughts somewhere where I only could find them and read them back.... and maybe a few complete strangers too....
but now I have changed my mind, as I have noticed that even here I'm not that honest anymore as I really really want to be..... so I started today with something really amazing and huge. This project which I proudly call "Psycho" (atleast it's a working name right now) is about all the things I ever wanted to say and all the things I have ever felt on the darkest moments of my life and on the happiest times of my life(which are a few), but have never been able to express, some lines are borrowed from others but my feelings are all true.
I hope I can post this proect in the near future. I expect it to be finished by beginning of May 2005. I hope I can finish it as the way I have started it.... 120% honest and true.

Note: Kick off project "Psycho"

A while ago I met a girl(Sh) in a chatroom....(she is afghan)....I thought I'll give her a chance....She turned out to be quite he girl....so I went to see her and we had a great day....(that was two weeks ago).....I really liked her but somehow she reminds me of JvD. and I actually feel some kind of hatred and distrust against her. I'm not sure whether this is the right feeeling but I think she has the same character as J did. And to be honest I don't know whether I can survive another J. I hope she changes or I forget J.

Take on me

I dunno what is happenning to me...I'm not myself lately....I'm aggressive...yet romantic and compassionate....I'm angry with life...I'm angry with everyone who's slightly happy......I'm not someone to rule the world but I'm a comforting man on everyone's side if they would accept me to be.....I'm just a fucked up mind trying to figure out my own life.....don't need these girls....don't need these little pricks.....don't need all this shit I have to put up with right now.... I've had enough of this life....what would be the reason to live? what would be the reason to die?(you might ask but I'm sure you won't).
I can take on the world.....as long as they're honest....as long as they don't care about me....as long as I am alone....I have said this a hundred times and I'm going to say it again and again till the end :
"This story of mine has no happy end. This isn't an American story, It's an Irish one!!"
Something has got to give...otherwise I'm going to create alters or something....maybe I'd do that because I'm too cowardly to commit suicide to release myself from this hell... This hell they created around me.
Take on me.....I can take you all.....I don't need no sympathy...I do not need love or caring....Just attack me...challenge me...don't be scared...we're all going to die...someday...and the sooner it happens...the less you suffer.......................