IQ test

My IQ is 105

My Logical Intelligence is Above Average My Verbal Intelligence is Above Average My Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional My General Knowledge is Above Average

If you want you can also take A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I want ...

I feel like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that won't screw to save its species.

I want to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all those French beaches I'd never see.

I want to breathe smoke.

I want to jump off the tallest goddamn building I can find.

I feel like taking a gun and walk from street to street pumping rounds into neighbors, friends, family and everyone else I have known.

I want to be enlightened.

All I need is to have one single near-life experience.

Cold Gaze

And even though I can hide my cold gaze from time to time behind my sunglasses.....

And even though I can fake a smile.....I am unable to fake happiness

And even though sorrow is part of our lives.......I can't keep up with the tragedy

And even though I am imprisoned......my mind is still free

And even though I lost all my money.......I want to leave now more than ever before

And even though I have accepted that some day I will die......Only thing I fear is that it won't matter to them.......not because I want them to care but because I want them to suffer

Life

I live but I have never been alive

They made sure I couldn't

Heart

"You can't give your heart away
and expect to get it all back!!"

Embrace

"Lost in the darkness
try to find your way home

I want to embrace you
and never let you go
you're almost in heaven
so no one could hurt your soul
have been living in agony
cause I did not know
where you were"

Tragedies of life

Why can't we have the things we really want at that moment?....we always get them at times we do not want them at all........
well I guess the next phrase, which I say a lot, suits the situation best:

"There only two tragedies in life:One is not getting what you want, other
one is getting it"

I have wished for death or any other kind of release thousands times in my relatively short life on this world. Only thing I regret is I have never seen this wish fulfilled. That might very well be the only fundamental reason why I hate God!
He lets us suffer in most horrible ways and then says they were tests.....well fuck off with ur tests.....grow up...get a life. You're just a kid with a magnifying glass and we are the sodding unfortunate ants which you happenned to notice. Just to use for your own pleasure.

Go home and leave us alone!!

Out of control

ARGH! I'm so frustrated with my life right now.
I am sick of feeling like nobody listens to me
I'm totally freaked out that my life is going from 0-60 in a matter of days.
And even though I'm suddenly busy, I feel more alone than ever right now. I need a really good cry, but the thought of crying right now makes me angry, thus defeating its cathartic purpose. I don't know, I just feel out of control...

Human??

Yesterday I experienced something very strange....something I hadn't felt since the "P"-thing of J.
Yesterday I got a bill for my college money for next year and my dad had to sign it and pay it. And trust me it was a very big one.
Anyhow, remembering all the deaths he has and all the other things which he is going to pay I actually felt something....I'm still not sure what it was but it had the same nasty aftertaste of human emotion, caring and all that crap.
(It's a very weird feeling, especially as I'm not used to it. I can only care for people who actually mean something to me. The idea of caring and loving these people sounds revolting. I cannot stand the idea. It makes me feel sick.)
For a brief moment I actually felt human again. And that after a long time.
I am struggeling with idea ever since.....
(Which means that I will not be able to go anywhere this year, which in that order means I will be driven one, or probably more, steps closer to total insanity. I need to go away. I have to not see or talk to these people for at least two weeks orso. I need to get laid. I need to feel loved. I need to cry. I need to laugh. I need someone who understands me. I need to be cared about. I need to be something. I need someone......)
what if the things we really want are only in our reach when we stop being humane?
and what if I can't keep being inhuman?

that is the problem with getting older isn't it?
you start caring
you start feeling
you start to commit
and worst of all
you start to accept

Conversation...

Last night I called her to arrange something for today....something to do together....I ended up talking to her for half an hour in bed.....one of the finest conversations I had ever had with her.....
Unfortunately we couldn't arrange anything for today....but we discussed the summer ahead.....and talked about going on vacation together.....we have to decide where to go and when to go......I really like the idea she's feeling more comfortable with my company......
We'll have to wait and see

Distance

It was a time I thought whenthe distance between two people grows they will drift apart.......I still think the same way...though it works both ways......You will only attach to the people you cannot reach....you'll become faithfull to them....become best friends...even become lovers.....I think at some point you even depend on them more than you could ever imagine before......
but then the question remains....what will you sacrifice for them once they become really important in your life.....you haven't seen them.....you have never met them.....but yet somewhere deep in your heart (and mind) you can conclude that they are the missing pieces in your life......so will you be prepared to make that sacrifice?
And will it be worth it?
Only time will show

but remember that the phrase:"You always hurt the ones you love" works both ways!!

What this is all about

That's what this is all about......me getting out of here.....We're slaves with white collars......leading lives we don't like....to brag about things we did not do....to have things we don't need....
yeah....we're their unwanted children?.....so be it
there is no destiny, there is no fate......"We art GOD"

NO more questions or riddles to be answered or to be solved..... life is not a goddamn puzzle to be put together.......Life is not a goddamn seminar or a weekend trip......stop trying to crawl out of it...and just take control.....fucking get back in control......
THIS is our life.....and it is ending one minute at a time......
don't waste a second of it!!

If you'd wake up in a different time and differen place.....would you wake up as a different person?
I hope you would!!

No Trevor just Jack

Once Trevor had done enough damage it was time for something new, something radical and even more uncomprimising than he was and he'll ever be.
This new order was simply named Jack.
Jack now became the calm little center where the entire world circled around. Yet inflicting the maximal amount of damage on the maximal amount of opponents possible. While safeguarding his own atmost safe position in the forever lasting war he has started.
All of this happenned so suddenly, Trevor just skipped that part and resumed his existence without knowing what he unleashed upon the world.
As Jack is growing ever greater and more powerful each day................

Without knowing the problem.......how can Trevor ever stop it?!?!

Tyler

Yes,
now I finally and truly understand what Tyler says...and more than ever I agree with his ideals.....as he once said:
"In the world I see, you're stalking elk through the damp canyon forest, around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty carpool lane of some abandoned superhighway."

I now see what he meant and why he said that.......and more importantly....I agree with him. It is this feeling which comforts me.....