Wet bench

Today I went to this little port we have. It was raining, but I didn't mind the rain.
I didn't even mind the wet bench on which I sat for an hour in the rain. I used to enjoy rain while playing football in the narrow alley behind our house when I was a little kid. But now....those friends are gone, there is no alley anymore....and I haven't touched a football in years.
I can't help but thinking about how happy I was at the end of the day when I came home all wet and in muddy clothes, my hair teasing my forehead and dangling in front of my eyes. And it was all ok. After a quick shower everything was good and I never did mind my sore ankles.
Today on that wet bench....fiddling with my camera....a wave of sadness overwhelms me.
What have I done? What have I accomplished? In all these years.....all I have done have been for the greater good.....but I have never been happy.....how can one justify that?
I don't know...I really don't!
I've lost it all...friends....family.....happiness...love....beauty....innocence....just everything!