Alone

Just a few minutes ago in the shower I realised something......
something that had been on my mind for actually a couple of years now...ever since I developped the J situation.
I realised that no matter how hard I try I cannot find someone as a companion for me....at least I never will at this rate....and realised that actually I was and am alone in that aspect of my life for all my life and probably will for the great deal of the rest of it to come.....
disturbing you may think......I do not agree....
I actually find it a very pleasant thought.....it's suiting.....it's peaceful.....
but then I noticed something else.....something that has always stood in the shadow of my so over obvious loneliness, if you may.
What I realised was that actually I have never been alone in my life.....yet I have merely attempted to be alone and isolated but the more I tried the more ppl got involved and the more I was further a way from achieveing my goal.
Isn't it ironic?
That we try to find some one to be with for all our lives.....while actually all we want is to be all alone and at peace with ourselves?
"The true source of man's inhumanity to man: His abillity to feel"
Well for all the ones involved:
"I'm sorry for everything!"
"May you love me, leave me and never come back....for I love you all. Just too much!"